| Friday, June 17th, 2005 |
| 3:26 pm |
Life is upside down
I am working my ass off alot lately, and I am trying to save some money because the people I live with are planning to sell the house in a couple of months so I need to get a place. Anyone looking for a room mate. I have a full time job, and I clean up after myself, but I do smoke cigg and weed, so that you'll have to deal with. I will respect not smoking in the house though. LOL J/K Anyways, I have talked to her a couple times this past week, and I really miss her. I miss our conversations, and how I was able to just open up and talk to her. Current Mood:  confusedCurrent Music: Papa Roach - Scars |
| Thursday, February 10th, 2005 |
| 2:03 am |
Things are finally going
Well I went and finally got a job today. I go in tomorrow for orientation. I will be working in an inventory service place thingy....what ever you wanna call it. I will be counting retail businesses shit. It's cool, it's a job for now, and that is all I am worried about. I needed to get a job, and start getting my shit together again. Other than that I haven't been doing much...just trying to live. I say trying because I got really depressed and suicidal for a while. I stayed holed up in my room and wouldn't eat...all I did was sleep...and that was about it. I lost alot of weight from what everyone said..but hey...what ever. I got a phone call the other day that actually made my day the best in a very long time. My baby bug called me. Well sorta my baby bug, I still miss her and love her...but we are just friends. I was so glad to hear from her though. It made my heart skip a beat to hear her voice on the other end of the phone. Kinda the way it used to skip a beat when she would kiss me *wanders off in dream land* But anyway...back to reality..we are just friends, and that is better than nothing to me. I will take friends over nothing any time. Well if anyone out there still wants to kick it or just to call and say hi my new cell number is five three four - three three five six. GOT THAT...534-3356. Anyways...it is late and I need to go to bed. Talk to everyone later! Current Mood: Shocked, but extremely happyCurrent Music: Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb |
| Wednesday, January 5th, 2005 |
| 8:15 pm |
Sore as Hell
Well I got a new hanging bag a couple days ago so I have been working out every free minute I have for the past three days. Haven't been using the gloves that came with it so my knuckles are all bloody and bruised...so it looks like I got into a fight. I've needed something like this to take my aggressions out...I am a very angry person right now at this point and time in my life. I feel like no matter what I do and no matter how hard I try I ALWAYS fuck something up. Not sure if that is a sign to just stop doing what ever I am doing or what...but I need to release my pent up aggression's. I made the mistake of asking someone a personal question that I never should have asked...or for that matter that I had no room asking about. All I did was make things worse between me and that person. All I ever tried to do was love them with all my heart and the best way I knew how....apparently it wasn't enough. Atleast at this point and time in both of our lifes. I need to focus on myself, and I do that for a couple of days but then my mind and heart seem to wonder back where they shouldn't. And I end up getting off track of what I should be doing for myself, and get myself into trouble by opening my big mouth to people. God you would think I would learn from my mistakes huh?! Too hard headed I guess. But I do need to focus on getting my life straight again. I sort of have...but not as much as I should have. Current Mood:  depressedCurrent Music: Madonna - Sanctuary |
| Sunday, January 2nd, 2005 |
| 1:52 am |
My New Years Resolution!
I've sorta already started this...but I'll keep going!! Current Mood: Pondering the meaning of lifeCurrent Music: Garth Brooks |
| Friday, November 19th, 2004 |
| 12:01 am |
Life is in an uproar
Well I know i haven't posted in a while and alot has changed since I last posted. My life is kinda in an uproar right now. I made a desicion and as hard as it is right now I have to live with it. This desicion did not only affect me but the person I love with all my heart and want to be with for the rest of my life. In a way I was made to feel like I had to leave, but once I left I honestly wished I hadn't. I miss the familiar smells, the laughs throughout the house, and just the fact of knowing that that one person would be there for me no matter what. And the fucked up thing is I ran....I ran away from it. I feel like I abandonded the one I love for what? To get my shit straight....why couldn't I do it living there with her? But thats the thing I couldn't do it living there. I was enabled in a way to live the comfortable unemployed lifestyle that I had gotten used to over the past 7 months. Which is unlike me....I have never been unemployed this long since I was 15 and started working. I don't know why but it took her blowing her lid...like seriously blowing her lid to get me to realize that. I need a fire lit under my ass and BOY DID SHE LIGHT THE FIRE. I don't know what I am trying to accomplish right now other than getting a job and going back to the one I love...if she'll have me bcak. But she even said "I'll believe it when I see it" Which is understandable in a way, I just wish she had more faith in me and believed that I WILL come back no matter what. I've told her time and time again I love her with all my heart for ever and ever no matter what, I just hope she believes me. Current Mood: sad, vonerable, and alone |
| Monday, July 26th, 2004 |
| 6:42 pm |
Everything Is getting better
Well Amy and I have been talking much more lately and things are GRRRREAT!!! Prospects on the job market are looking up, I've had one interview at Fry's and am hoping for a second by Tues. or Wed. I will let everyone know how everything goes....cross your fingers for good luck. Hasta la Pasta.... Current Mood:  chipper |
| Saturday, July 24th, 2004 |
| 7:23 pm |
My Tarot Card
 I am The Fool
The Fool can signal a new beginning or change of direction - one that will guide you onto a path of adventure, wonder and personal growth. He also reminds you to keep your faith and trust your natural responses. If you are facing a decision or moment of doubt, the Fool tells you to believe in yourself and follow your heart no matter how crazy or foolish your impulses may seem.
The Fool also frequently messes up the numbers he inputs into forms. Maybe you should try it again... For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com
| What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate.
|
Current Mood: accomplished |
| Wednesday, July 21st, 2004 |
| 6:18 am |
Have you ever felt like no matter what you did it just wasn't good enough? Like no matter how fucking hard you worked to make everything perfect there is still going to be one thing thats wrong! Sometimes I feel like those two statements are my life in a nut shell. I mean I love her with all of my heart I just don't always feel like I am the one for her. She says she loves me with all of her heart also....I believe it! But I still don't feel like I do enough for her, I mean I work my ass off around the house all day long....yet I still feel like I don't do enough for her. I still feel like there is something or someone else out there that could satisfy her better than I. Mentally, physically, emotionally...all of it! Right now I feel so useless. I don't know if it's because right now I am jobless so therefore I cannot contribute to whatever cause is happening that night, or if it's just because I really am useless. I mean I am trying to find a job it just seems like not many people are hiring right now. I go through these boughts of depression. Everyone has them but mine seem to be way worse than most. I used to cut myself just to watch it bleed, to know that there is some other pain out there that doesn't really hurt as much as what ever I'm going though. But after doing that for so long I just realized all I do is hurt myself and make everyone worry over me. I hate it when people worry over me. I have cut myself twice since High school, one of which no one knows about. I cut myself pretty deep that last time too. My own best friend of ten years has no idea that it happened either. He was down in So. Cal and I never had the heart to tell him after he got back....because I knew he would worry, and like I said once before I hate it when people worry over me! Current Mood: drained |
| Tuesday, July 20th, 2004 |
| 9:44 pm |
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| Wednesday, July 14th, 2004 |
| 11:02 am |
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| Monday, July 5th, 2004 |
| 3:26 am |
Happy 4th of July
Well i just wanted to wish all of my friends on LJ and very happy 4th of July. Just too let everyone know I am rolling mad balls right now and it's WONDERFUL!!!! HAPPY 21st. Birthday to my bestest friend in the whole wide world DAVID!!! Current Mood: ROLLIN!Current Music: any kind of music with a fast beat!! |
| Thursday, June 10th, 2004 |
| 3:09 pm |
It's been a while since I've posted anything of meaning, only because I don't really have much going on right now. Since I left Rancho I have had 80% less drama to drive me crazy. I quit my job at Wal-Mart...not too sure why other than the fact that the commute was killing me and I didn't make enough to compensate for gas and all my bills and personal money. And the job market right now is looking very meger and my prospects aren't looking all that well. I always said I would never work fast food but right now that is looking like the only thing I can get right now. And I say right now because trust me I will NOT be able to work fast food for long but hey it's money for now and money wise I could use it. For more than the obvious reasons. Some times I feel like I am loosing my grip on reality...It's driving me crazy being in the house all day. I NEED A JOB LIKE NOW!! Current Mood: angry and aggrivated @ myselfCurrent Music: Matchbox 20 - If your gone |
| Wednesday, June 9th, 2004 |
| 9:28 pm |
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| Saturday, May 22nd, 2004 |
| 9:32 pm |
that last one wasn't supposed to be meloncholy it was supposed to be mellow! UGH! Stupid mouse freakin out and highlighting the wrong things Current Mood: mellow |
| 9:26 pm |
Updates
Well Amy got a new car....its so wonderful. She likes her job, I on the other hand didn't like my job so I quit so I am now looking for a new job. My car is about to take a shitter soon, but other than that everything is wonderful right now. My nephew Keon, for those of you that know him, will be 1 yrs. old on the 25th! :) Well gotta go talk to you later Current Mood: melancholyCurrent Music: the radio |
| Wednesday, May 5th, 2004 |
| 5:50 pm |
Life keeps going...and going...and going
Well I sold the trailor and am now living downtown and away from all the Rancho Cordova BULLSHIT! Even though I no longer live in Rancho I am still being mentioned by people in Rancho that wanted nothing to do with me anymore. We might possibly be getting a 4 bedroom house in Nov. We'll be moving in with my bestfriend and possibly another room-mate. Well gotta go folks....talk to you all later. Current Mood: waiting for my wifey |
| Wednesday, April 21st, 2004 |
| 6:21 pm |
Happy Belated 420!
Well I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Belated 420! My 420 started out kinda slow but eventually ended up very fun and very 420! Well I twisted my ankle the other day and because I was overcompensating i ended up hurting my other ankle so now I am laid up and have to stay off my feet for a couple of days. David...call me man, i haven't heard from you in a while. Gotta go..Ted wants to talk Current Mood: Stoned |
| Sunday, April 11th, 2004 |
| 1:35 pm |
Moving on and out
Well I'm selling my house. Friday a guy is coming to look at my house and make me an offer on it. Hopefully he will offer me anought to pay my grandparents and parents back and then I will have a couple grand to put away so me and my sweetheart can move the hell away from Sac. I am so tired of all the lies that are being blamed on Amy and I. I've heard about 3-4 different lies that are going around and being blamed on Amy and I and we had nothing to do with it. I need to get out to the country where there is wide open space so I can be with Amy...the one I love with all my heart....and no one knows me or us. I will miss all my friends here in Sac...but there are many more people I will NOT miss. Untill later...hope all my friends have a Happy Easter. Current Mood: in love and lovin' it |
| Wednesday, March 31st, 2004 |
| 11:25 pm |
Feelings as of Late
Lately...I've felt like I am the cause of alot of problems. I (in a round about way) was the cause of my girlfriends ending of her friendship with her bestfriend...no matter how many times she says I'm not deep down I know I am. I almost caused my bestfriend to turn his back on a 10 yr. friendship. I don't feel like people can talk to me anymore...I used to be the one that everyone talked to now no one talks to me anymore. I was told to try an work on my communicational skills and I am really trying but things just aren't working as well as I had hoped. Current Mood:  restless, and worriedCurrent Music: none |
| Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004 |
| 4:34 pm |
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